


You are always on my mind

by Michaela18



Category: Divergent (Movies), Divergent - All Media Types, Divergent Series - Veronica Roth
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-04
Updated: 2019-09-08
Packaged: 2020-10-09 22:44:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20517668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Michaela18/pseuds/Michaela18
Summary: Jeanine is off to test new serums and this time she has volunteers





	1. Day one

_Tris POV_

"Welcome to our new serum testing session. Thank you so much for participating," Jeanine looks at all of us present.

"I know this is a big step for everyone that came and outed him- or herself as divergent. I want to assure you once more that no harm will come to anyone entering the simulation. We want to find out more about how Divergents react to different serums and find out how we can either utilize it or create a serum that makes the playing field equal."

Jeanine takes a big breath and then continues. "We have other volunteers who will go under a serum today. One of you will be linked into this person's mind. They know what we were going to do and signed the relevant documents granting you and us permission. The simulations these people enter will be either fear or dream landscapes as well as truth serum simulations. The last one is rather revolutionary as they are not really under the influence of truth serum. We are hoping to use this one specifically for interrogations."

Jeanine pauses to let it all sink in. "This test will be conducted in three sessions. Today you will experience their fears, tomorrow it will be dreams and aspirations, and on the last day it will be the new version of the truth serum. Each of you will get a partner that has been randomly assigned. You might know this person or have never seen them before today, either way, you need to preserve their privacy and if you feel there is a conflict with who you got assigned then you need to let me or one of my assistants know. For everyone's safety, all sessions will be monitored and analysed. Any questions?"

Jeanine looks around and winces. "Yes, Uriah?"

"Are we able to manipulate the simulations like we were with our own?"

Jeanine nods. "To some extent, yes. First, we want to know how it differs from having your trainer logged in and watching everything on the monitor which is why each of you has someone monitoring you. Divergence is widely untested because of the reputation we in Erudite have regarding past experiments with Divergents. This is one of the reasons why we do give you the opportunity to enter someone else's mind instead of being the test subject yourself.

"What happens when a person gets stuck in their fear? Are we able to help them move on and how do they perceive us? If it is anonymous then you must have a solution for this," I ask and Jeanine nods.

"Thank you for bringing this up, Tris. You will be perceived as a shadow and yes, you are allowed to help your volunteer as best as you can. We do not want to torture them and they are all Dauntless members, so they have been through the fear simulations before. They will not be aware that you were there with them until they are coming out of it, but they will retain the full memory of what happened while they were under."

She looks around. "Anything else?"

Nobody speaks up.

"Very well. Now, please walk to the first available door when I call your name." Jeanine pulls out a tablet and starts reading from it." Uriah, room one. Four, room two. Seth, room three. Ronan, room four. Tris, room five. Max, room six." Max winks at me when he takes his position in front of the door next to mine.

He told me, in private, after this project was announced, that he was Amity and Dauntless. It is still hard to believe that my fellow leader and direct boss is divergent.

Jeanine drones on. "Ash, room seven. Ares, room eight. Fran, room nine. Stan, room ten."

I look left and right at my fellow Dauntless Divergents.

How much has changed for us after Jeanine publicly declared that there is no reason whatsoever to believe that Divergents are a threat to society. That Chicago will benefit from us and that we could heal the city from whatever ailed us in the past.

We did not have to tell the whole city, we only had to tell Jeanine via a secure server that we were willing to participate in her little project.

I did talk it through with Max, Uriah and Four and we all agreed that it was worth the risk. As for who our test subjects will be - not even Max knows their identity. Everything was handled anonymous and by Jeanine directly and nobody will be missed in public over the next three days either. Jeanine has the whole of Dauntless assigned to various training classes starting with first aid all the way up to weapons disarmament.

"Please enter!" Jeanine commands and I open door number five.

Inside I see a similar set up to our fear simulation room, but I do spy a lot of cables going through the wall opposite the entrance. I am greeted by an Erudite woman in blue scrubs.

"Hello, Tris. Please come in and close the door."

I do as she said and walk over.

"My name is Emily and I will be with you over the next three days. I will be the one adding you to your assigned partner's simulations and I will stay on to monitor your vitals. If anything seems to be going wrong, or either of you has a bad reaction to any of the chemicals involved, we will pull you out immediately."

She shakes my outstretched hand and gestures for me to take a seat. "I know you probably did, but I just want to double check: would you like to use the bathroom before we start?" She looks at me innocently and I take no offense.

"I am fine, thank you."

She smirks at me. "Never know when all that coffee you guys drink will run through."

I laugh out loud at that. "I am a transfer, I can only drink one cup before I feel like I am going crazy."

"Well, if you know your limit that is the most important part." She winks at me and I am relieved to be matched with someone as nice and genuine as her.

"Former Amity?" I ask, guessing she must have been a transfer herself.

"Still that obvious?" She grouches a little bit.

"No, but you are not that snotty yet - I like it." I admit and this time Emily laughs.

…

"Come on, Tris. Let's get you hooked up." She moves some electrodes to my forehead and attaches secondary cables to her computer. Then she comes at me with a huge syringe, disinfects the injection site and ... waits.

"Uh, what are you waiting for?" I wonder out loud.

Emily points to a small light attached to the wall where the cables go in. "If that light turns green then your partner is under the influence of the serum and I can administer yours."

Oh, okay. I nod to show I understand.

There is a light beeping sound and the light turns green.

"Have fun, Tris." Emily wishes me as she pushes the needle into my vein.

…

The effect is immediate and I suddenly find myself in a dark room. There is only the sound of heavy breathing and I wonder what this fear could be - fear of the dark?

I am about to create a light when I hear it. It is just a rustling sound, but something else is moving around. One side of the room suddenly becomes clearer and I can see a person huddled in the corner, staring into the darkness. There is something small crawling over the floor and when I step closer, I see a spider.

A very common fear I have been told.

The single spider crawls closer, and the closer it gets, the larger it becomes. It reaches the person and suddenly there are two spiders. It multiplies again and again until there are at least one hundred large spiders looming in front of the person.

What should I do?

Jeanine said I can try to manipulate the simulations and to end one fear one has to calm down his or her heart rate or submit to the fear. They are full members and they volunteered to do this again, the least I can do make it as bearable as possible.

I conjure up a large broom and walk over to the figure on the floor. I pull the spiders back and flick them to the far end. They are coming back, but I put one hand out and on the hunched figure's shoulder while I keep flicking the spiders with my broom.

It only takes a few seconds of my hand supportively touching the shoulder before the scene moves on.

One fear done.

…

This time my subject is sitting on a kitchen chair. Looking around, I would wager we are in Erudite.

Standing in front of the chair is a woman, she is not that visible to me, but what is clear is that she is berating and demeaning the person I am in charge of.

So, while she keeps ranting, I walk over and put my hands on both shoulders, squeezing gently. Then I take one of my person's hands and squeeze in support while whispering in his or her ear that they are worth it. "Other people out there will love you for who you are. Do not let a parent with low self-esteem drag you down. She is the one having issues, not you. You deserve to be loved unconditionally and one day you will be able to show your own children how a real parent acts."

The scenes fades and I sigh in relief. Two fears done.

…

The next five fears are about losing control, being late, being told he or she is not smart enough for their job, being alone and being stuck in an elevator.

Seems Tobias is not alone with his fear of enclosed spaces.

I help my person through each one of their fears until we reach number eight.

I think this must be a replacement fear for my person acts like it is the first time they see this scene as well. They freeze whereas before they looked ready for what was coming.

The body language now indicates that this is unknown.

I am looking at a couple, happily standing next to each other and talking to a third person over a counter. I walk closer in order to listen to what the man is saying.

"Tris doesn't need to have an apartment assigned; she is moving in with me."

I can hear Tobias voice with astounding clarity. This is weird, who is my person?

If my subject is female she must have a crush on him. The poor thing.

The person behind the counter asks something else and once more I can hear Tobias answer, although the next thing is pure fabrication of my subject's mind and probably what this fear is about.

"Yes, Tris and I are getting married. I already talked to Max and he will officiate this evening. We will be spending the first night in our apartment as husband and wife."

I feel like gagging at that, but my aim is to soothe my subject, so I once more move closer and put my hand in theirs.

I squeeze as hard as I can when I hear Tobias, who, for once, does not shut up. "Yes, we intend to have kids right away. The more, the merrier." And I can hear fake me and Tobias laughing with delight at these news.

"This is not true. They would never marry each other. They are only living together because they are comfortable in each other's company." I put my arms around my subject and give them a bear hug. "They are not in love with each other. They are single and at least Tris is open to the idea of a relationship with a courageous Dauntless member," I whisper in my subjects' ear.

…

The simulation fades and I wake up back in my room.

Eight fears. Not shabby!

I look at Emily and smile. "How long was I under?"

"You did great. It took you only eight minutes to guide your charge through all the fears. Well done!"

She hands me a glass of water and then a stack of papers on a clipboard.

"Once you are done filling those out you are free to go."

She cleans up the room and types away on the computer while I work on the papers.

The questions start off fairly standard.

My gender and age, my divergence and if I know the factions I tested positive for.

Then we go into details of how I perceived things in the simulation and if and how I was able to manipulate the fears.

It takes me almost thirty minutes to fill everything out, but they need to know as many details as possible in order to work with the results.

…

Emily checks quickly that I answered everything and leads me out of the room and through a corridor that has been created to keep everyone separate.

I walk out into the bright Erudite lobby and head over to my assigned class: First aid.

I am a bit early, so I just walk along the walls slowly, reading all the newspaper clippings and articles on display.

I can feel someone's presence behind me and turn quickly around. The person lets out an unmanly shriek while I laugh loudly and rush over to hug him.

"Oh, it is so good to see you! What are you doing here?" I ask my big brother.

"I am running the first aid course you are assigned to."

Caleb puts his arm around me and squeezes me close to him.

"I am so glad to be able to finally show affection. How have you been? It feels like I haven't seen you in ages. Are you still living with 'Four'?" Caleb's eyes narrow with that last question.

"I am great. Full-fledged leader now!" I point proudly to my tattoo.

"That must have hurt like crazy. The skin on your throat is known to be one of the most sensitive on the human body."

"Oh, believe me, I felt like crying, but I survived and I am able to proudly display my rank for the whole city to see." I smirk at that last one as I remember some people backing off after looking at my marks.

"And Four?"

"Doing great! Still in the control room and getting ready to receive initiates in two weeks. How time flies, huh? Two weeks and it has been a whole year since we were in the same faction."

"Tris, are you still living with Four?" Caleb repeats himself.

"Why are you so persistent? Yes, I am still living with him. Happy now?" I growl out loud.

"No, but I will work on it."

He looks over my shoulder and I see more Dauntless approach the room where we are having first aid. It is a weirdly mixed group of all ages and professions including Christina, Tori and Eric.

"Look who got kicked out of the hospital." Four greets Caleb with a hard slap to his shoulder and I have to brace him, so he won't fall forward. "Oh man, you have to start working out in your free time. If you get a drunk Dauntless you will be used like a cloth to wipe the wall with."

Four sounds harsh, but it is the truth. I had the unfortunate pleasure of escorting some of our drunken, accident prone and in need of comprehensive urgent medical care members over to the hospital. They are ruthless.

"Tris, come on, our class is about to start and we don't want to be late! Don't be a stranger, Caleb!"

And with one last slap to Caleb's shoulder Tobias turns around and marches off in the direction of the room.

I nudge Caleb. "Are you coming?"

"Of course." He puts his arms around my waist and leads me through the door and inside.

Tobias frowns at seeing Caleb, but when he brings me over and then proceeds to walk to the front his face changes into one of utter disbelief.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" He is not that quiet and there are some snickers around us. I can see Caleb's shoulders stiffen for a moment.

Caleb grabs the microphone and we all quiet down.

"Good morning, my name is Dr. Prior, and I am one of the new doctors over at the hospital," he introduces himself, but half the group looks at me when he says his last name. Yes! We are related. Please, everyone, meet my big brother.

The class is just as I expected: Fun stuff to learn, but boring lectures that go into too much detail. Even my Erudite is getting bored.

…

We finally break for lunch and I say goodbye to Caleb who has to head back to the hospital.

Christina nudges me in the side. "Man am I glad that you are nothing like your brother."

"Yeah, it would be like having a second version of Will running wild in Dauntless... who would you rather date?" I tease and run away to her screaming obscenities after me. There is a spillage in front of the water fountain and before I know it I am slipping, but get caught by a set of strong hands.

"Take it easy unless you want to see your brother again so soon after this arduous class," a deep and rough voice murmurs into my ear. Eric!

Eric and I get along surprisingly well.

After initiation was over he was assigned to train me and I found out that he is not the asshole Tobias always made him out to be. Yes, he can be ruthless, but he was a great trainer and I progressed extremely fast through the program with his help.

He even congratulated me when I became Dauntless' youngest leader in history due to my birthday being only five days before Choosing Day.

I would call us friends, but he likes to spend his free time with his own clique.

During office hours there is some tentative flirting going on. At least that's how I see it, but nothing came ever out of it. It keeps the atmosphere light though, and that is what I care about most.

"Thanks for catching me. I think I had my fill of family to last me a few months," I admit as he sets me gently down on dry ground.

I shiver and he runs his hands over my arms.

"Are you cold?"

"A little bit," I admit. "The summer sunshine was a bit deceiving this morning."

"Here," Eric takes off his long-sleeved shirt and separates the t-shirt he wore over it from the warmer garment underneath. I am too busy ogling his muscular torso to pay much attention until he pushes it over my head and helps me into his shirt. It is way too big, but the warmth from his skin still clings to it and it feels nice.

"Thank you, but won't you get cold?"

I don't want to keep it if he is going to freeze afterwards.

He puts his t-shirt back on - what a shame - and shakes his head.

"I'll be fine. Don't worry about me."

He turns to leave, and I am bit stunned as he would usually stay and shoot the breeze for a bit longer.

Tobias calls me from the other side of the lobby, indicating we should head out and get some lunch.


	2. Day two

_Tris POV_

"Good morning and thank you all for returning for today's session. Yesterday went remarkably well and all your subjects were able to shave valuable minutes off their simulation time after you decided to intervene. Now, today's simulations are the opposite of yesterday. We will focus on hopes and dreams and I am looking forward to seeing what you are all doing with this new development. Have fun and good luck." Jeanine waves us off and I head back to door number five, knocking quietly before entering.

…

Emily greets me enthusiastically.

"Welcome back, Tris. It is such an honour to work with you."

I look at her questioningly.

"You were the only one who helped her charge from the get-go. Most took to observing at least one fear before they felt comfortable enough to intervene and not everyone was as compassionate and creative as you."

Huh, I would have thought Tobias had more Abnegation left in him.

Emily prepares me and we both wait for the green light to turn on. It does not take long and I am once more plunged into darkness.

…

Hopes and dreams. Hopes and dreams. I repeat to myself.

What do I have to do if someone displays his or her aspirations of what the future should hold? Encourage them to go for it? Strife to achieve whatever they want to achieve? Tell them they can do anything or be anything if they put in the work?

Hopefully...

Finally, the light comes on to a scene that looks so familiar I can not withhold the gasp.

I can see myself sitting in my office, behind the desk, and chatting with someone in the chair in front of me.

I am walking closer to hear the conversation.

It is mundane stuff we are taking about. I can't hear the voice of my charge, but I can hear my answers and questions.

I can see myself looking at the computer screen and as I hit the sleep button I am asking my charge "Ready for lunch?" and I go around the desk to kiss whoever is there and we march out the door holding hands.

Okay, so the person was not pining for Tobias but for me. Still does not confirm my charge is male. Lynn had the biggest crush on Marlene so I should not take anything for granted.

…

The scene changes and I can see my charge walk up and down a corridor, mumbling quietly, but I am not able to make it out. He or she seems agitated and, not desperate, but in need of answers or a solution.

I walk up to my person and gently run my fingers along theirs. "Everything will be fine. Things will work out just the way you want them to. Have faith. You deserve everything you are asking for. Follow your gut feeling and trust your instincts."

My charge seems to calm down and puts a hand inside their clothes and removes it holding a box. The hand is not clear, but the box is. My charge opens it to reveal a beautiful diamond ring.

I gasp out loud. "Oh, it's beautiful. You did a fantastic job picking it out. Now you need to have the courage to ask that question. Go on. You can do it."

…

The scene fades away.  
This is definitely different than yesterday. I do not have to kick any nasties away; I have to observe and rejoice with my charge and just offer praise and encouragement. I can do that easily.

The new scene has me cringing a little bit.

I am on an unfamiliar bed, naked and my charge seems to have sex with me.

We must be really good together if I got over my fear of intimacy and I agreed to have sex before marriage.

This is so weird. I want to avert my eyes, but I can't do it. Is this really me or am just filling in for someone else?

Once more I walk closer to be able to listen.

As before, my subject's voice is blended out and I can hear only the other me talk.

"I love you too."; "I am so glad I gave you a chance" and the highlight "I can't imagine a life without you!"

The rest is just sex talk that does not really concern me.

What I am seeing now is that my subject has some experience with sex for the details are very graphic and the things they do to me show knowledge and skill.

My subject and fake me are finally done and then, suddenly, the ring is out in the open and dream me shrieks her "Yes, I will marry you!" out loud, and they start having sex all over again.

It seems my subject really enjoys this for the whole scene plays out to the fullest before we fade to black.

…

The next scenes are all related to the previous ones.

I have to soothe my soon to be spouse before the ceremony.

I watch myself get married with all the important details blurred out - I really have to ask how they do this.

Then I see dream me throw up like crazy and my nervous spouse needs to be soothed because they fear the worst. Turns out spouse got me pregnant, so we are definitely looking at a male here. Now spouse needs reassurance that he will be a great dad and that his kids will face nothing like he did growing up. They will be loved and cherished.

I get to see the nervous father while I give birth and then the whole family picture, and I am a bit miffed that I am the only one not blurred out.

Why are my kids blurred out? Is it because they are half their father? I should start to write a list in here to hand to Emily.

…

After the happy conclusion for fake me I wake up in the chair.

Emily sees from my face that I am not happy.

"What was different for you this time, Tris?" she asks me straight away.

"Where should I start?" I rub my hands over my face to help me clear my mind.

"Maybe you can clear something up for me first?" I look up and Emily nods for me to go ahead. "If I am present in my subject's dreams and hopes, is this symbolic or is this really me?"

Emily's eyes widen. "Oh dear!"

"Yeah, thought so, but I had to be sure. Uh, it seems my subject likes me so much that they hope for a relationship culminating in marriage and starting a family. There was nothing distinctive to identify my charge, so no worries, even my dream children were blurred out because they are half my subject."

Emily nods again. 'I can understand why this must have been frustrating. You poor thing. I did not see that much on my screen, but when I go in with my colleague to analyse it later, we will be able to see the whole scene from both of your points."

"Well, it was really awkward watching the sex scene..." Emily stops me right there.

"Fill out the paperwork, Tris. Put it all out there and don't leave anything out. If you run out of space use the back of the page and just label the answer correctly. If there is still something missing use a free page and add on anything you think will be important."

…

I do exactly this and this time I am taking extremely long.

I am quite relived I do not have an early morning class, so I am not missing anything if I take my time.

The questions are different and relate more to the new topic and different display. Aha, so it was intentional.

"Thanks for being such a good sport, Tris," Emily thanks me when I am done and leads me out of the lab again.

I still have over two hours until my class and decide to check on Caleb.

…

There is a very nice Amity nurse who brings me right to the ward he is working on.

"I am looking for Caleb Prior," I tell another nurse manning a desk in the middle of the ward.

She looks me up and down. "Doctor Prior is busy with a patient. He will be out in five to ten minutes. You can wait over there," she nods her head towards some seats against the wall.

"Thank you!" I take a seat and my mind goes straight to what I saw this morning.

Who is my subject? Jeanine made it sound like all were Dauntless. The scene with the mother looked like it might have been Erudite. My subject is male. Afraid of spiders, losing control, being late, not being smart enough, enclosed spaces or just elevators, being unworthy and apparently afraid of never having a chance with me. Who fits that bill?

…

"What are you doing here Tris?"

I look up to see Eric and not my brother standing in front of me. I blink to clear my head and smile at him tentatively.

"I thought I would see if Caleb wants to have lunch with me. My next class is not until one. What about you?"

Eric takes the seat next to me.

"Did you not hear about Grayson?"

I look at him in question and he goes on. "He had a heart attack this morning and needs surgery. They brought him over an hour ago."

"Oh, why was I not informed?" If one leader is down all others should be told.

"There was an e-mail sent to everyone that needed to know."

I pull out my tablet and see the connection is lost.

"Crap, not again! Why does it keep going offline?" I bemoan and Eric takes it out of my hand. I watch what he is doing, and he heads for the settings straight away.

"Tris, you set up your tablet to go offline every time you put it to sleep. This means you have to manually activate it when you start using it again." He taps away and changes a few things around before handing it back to me. "Here, that should do the trick."

He leans back in his seat and just watches me check my emails.

"Thanks, you are a life saver. How is Grayson?"

"He is already in surgery and should be out in an hour."

"And you are just going to wait here?" I question and Eric just shrugs. "You look quite relaxed today." I comment. "Anything good happen recently?" I smile at him, but his own smile fades.

"No, I just had a really good dream, that's all." He looks down at his feet which is good for my face must show my "oh shit!" revelation.

No way! But it all fits: Dauntless, former Erudite, he keeps up this nonsensical competition with Tobias who said it has gotten worse this year... and Eric prefers to take the stairs or opens the door in the train whenever someone closes it. Tobias does this too and then stands in the door looking out.

"Tris?" I look up to see this time it is my brother.

"Hey, I was wondering if you had time to have lunch with me?"

Caleb blows up his cheeks and checks his watch. "I am sorry, but I don't think I will have time until after four. Come find me here if you are still around?" He barely waits for my nod before he walks away.

"Okay..." I nudge Eric until he looks at me. "Do you want to join me for a quick lunch? I promise to get you back before the hour is up?"

He smiles at me, something he rarely does in general, before answering. "Sure. Lead the way."

"Uh, maybe you should lead the way as I have no idea where I can find food that will be any good around here." I admit and Eric grabs my hand.

"Follow me!"

…

Eric leads me down the stairs and through a few corridors. We are in a part of Erudite I have never entered before and he slows down when we reach a series of large windows.

We both look inside and I am coming to a complete standstill.

I am able to look into a room that must be a nursery or play school. It is humongous and there are different themes which children can play with. There is a shop that is as close to real life as it can get with shopping carts, conveyor belts and food displays.

Then there is a doctor's office with instruments and bandages, even something looking like an X-ray machine and a framed light to put the scans against.

In the far back I can see a play structure looking like two towers with a bridge in between them and various other toys like swings and slides attached. Two little boys are currently chasing each other all over it.

"Can we have something like this in Dauntless?" I blurt out before I think it through.

Eric laughs heartily. "For the dependents or the members?"

Now I am laughing too. "Probably need one each. I can't image Uriah or Zeke being able to not have a go."

"You would have to replace the shops with something Dauntless related, but Tris, I don't think many people would go for it." Eric admits and I frown.

"Such a pity. You could just carve a new tunnel and use all this as part of the set up. Climbing wall, rope bridge, different ropes to scale wooden towers. Gosh, I would love to do something like this."

Eric puts his arm around my shoulders and slowly brings me in for a gentle hug.

I lean my head against his chest and sigh. "Maybe we should talk to the other leaders then," he murmurs into my ear. I put my arms around his waist and squeeze before saying "Maybe we should".

…

Eric does not release me and neither do I let go of him. I am enjoying the closeness and warmth of his body until there is a grating voice behind me.

"You are giving a bad example for those children. I would recommend you take your whore somewhere else, Eric. This display is disgusting to watch!" I can feel Eric stiffen and his heart speed up.

I slowly pull my arms back and turn around, Eric's arm still around me and now resting right over my bird tattoo.

"Excuse me?" I say to the older woman, dressed all the way in Erudite blue, who is eyeing us with so much hatred in her eyes I feel like I should be burning up by now.

"You heard me. Get out of my sight and get going. And word of advice: drop that looser before he cheats on you and runs away with another woman."

I am stepping out of Eric's stiff arm and toward her. The disgust she is displaying is addressed at Eric and not me, but I won't be quiet.

"Who are you that you dare to speak to Dauntless leadership like this? Why would you speak to anybody like this? You are giving a worse example to those children than we ever could!" I am fuming. How dare she?

"Unfortunately, I am his mother." I hiss at that and reach back to grab Eric's hand, squeezing it hard. "So, trust me when I tell you to stay away from this good for nothing philanderer."

"Are you for real? Did you give him up for adoption? Because he sure is nothing like you or how you describe him to be. I recommend proceeding with caution." I warn her.

"Or you are going to do what? Dauntless has no reach here and it is my word against yours." She taunts and I see red.

"I will be having a nice chat with Jeanine. If you don't mind, I think I will do this now and then I will treat Eric to a nice lunch in a more pleasant environment." I am surprisingly calm when I deliver this.

She scoffs again. "As if Jeanine is going to listen to a little Dauntless nobody like you..."

She does not get to finish her sentence before another voice interrupts and I am mentally cheering at the perfect timing.

"I believe my niece knows I will listen if she has something to tell me. Just like I listened when my nephew told me about what he heard and saw regarding your son during his own initiation into Dauntless." Uh, Tobias did what?!

"Tris, why don't you take Eric to the lovely restaurant that is just down this corridor. I believe that is where you were heading?" She looks at me and then pointedly at Eric. "I will have a nice chat with Denise and will make sure to catch up with you later. Oh, and both of you are excused from the afternoon class due to Greyson's condition. Max wants you to head back to Dauntless early to look after things."

"Thank you. I am sure I will see you tomorrow." I don't acknowledge the other woman's presence and start pulling Eric by the hand in the direction Jeanine told me to go.

…

We round a corner and I stop to check on Eric. He has still to say one word and that worries me.

I pull him into me and hug him something fierce while telling him what I am thinking.

"Don't listen to her. She sounds jealous that your father found someone else that made him happy. You are nothing like her and I am really glad about that. You are a great leader, Eric. You were a great trainer to me. You were fair and you are a fantastic teacher. We make a great team and I am glad to be able to call you my friend."

I take a deep breath. "You are stubborn as hell and often unreasonable when it comes to Four, but even in your rivalry you are nothing like she tried to paint you."

Time to get out the big guns. "You have a soft spot for children. I saw you often enough with our smallest dependents. You also have a soft spot for me and let me get away with a lot of things you would not do with others."

Eric stiffens more at that little bit, but I take it all in stride. "You let me hide in your office when Christina tries to drag me shopping. You let me try out new weapons with you as soon as we get them from Erudite, even before Max can get his hands on them. I know you will have my back, no matter what, and that I trust you with my life."

I take a deep breath and then continue. "I like it when you leave little things in my office for me to find at random times. And yes, I know it is you. I don't think I ever said thank you." I stand up on my toes to kiss his cheek.

"I like the innocent flirting we have going on. It brightens my day when you pay me compliments." I kiss his other cheek.

"I love that you are always there when I seem to have an accident and you swoop in before I can come to harm. You are a great guy and whenever I decide I am ready to date; you would be my first choice. You let me see a side of yourself you rarely show, and I feel honoured to be the one you trust to be truly yourself with."

I kiss his cheek once more and Eric seems to finally find his way back to me.

I smile up at him and touch his cheek. "Hey, welcome back!"

"Tris..." Eric starts, but I put my finger over his lips.

"Shh, I am starving. Will you take me to lunch, please?" I try to give him puppy eyes and I succeed at least in having Eric smirk at me.

"Come on, short stuff." He takes my hand and leads me just a little further down the corridor. The door is like a normal apartment door but decorated in children's paintings of animals all over.

…

When Eric opens the door and leads me through, I can feel my mouth open wide and I finally get a real laugh out of Eric.

"Is all this edible?" I am not even looking at Eric, but at all the display cases in front of me.

"Yes, Tris, every little thing is edible. Come on to the other side, you are staring at the desserts." Eric pulls me away from the vibrant strawberry ladybugs and cake flowerpots to the other side of the room where the displays apparently start.

"I am not going to be able to decide what I want to eat before I starve to death." I complain.

"Pick whatever looks good and I promise to take you back here tomorrow if our classes match." Oh, if you'd only know what I know. Pretty sure I will be seeing you...

"What are you going to eat?"

I am curious. This whole place is set up to have food look like animals. There are caterpillars made with grapes. Sandwiches that depict caterpillars and snakes in their form. Tortilla boats, burger turtles, bread in all imaginable shapes. I can see fish formed as mini fish in breadcrumbs and the same for chicken pieces in chicken form. Even the carrots are carved to resemble different animals.

"Turtle burger, worm pasta and a small vegetable train with spinach dip." Eric tells me without fear of ridicule.

"Can I try yours and pick something else myself?" I want to try as much as possible.

"Sure."

Eric orders his food and then the old lady behind the counter looks at me expectantly.

"Uh, I will try the tortilla boat, the pear hedgehog with grapes, a dinosaur sandwich, two cheese stars and one of those bread sticks looking like a finger."

"What would you like to drink?" The lady asks both of us.

"I will have water, you?" I look at Eric.

"Fizzy orange for me. Thanks, Martha."

She smiles at him indulgently. "Anything for you, Eric. Go and find your girlfriend a seat. I will bring your food over in a few minutes." She turns away before I can correct her.

…

Eric leads me to a table in the far corner. I now notice that there are different animal enclosures built into the walls.

"Wow, this must be any child's dream."

"Erudite encourages the development of an inquisitive mind. This was my favourite place growing up." Eric explains.

The table Eric selected is right next to a small ant farm.

I slowly walk along the wall to see the other animals. There is an aquarium with vibrantly coloured fish, the next one is larger and has some butterflies, then there are frogs, snakes and finally a huge tarantula. I look at it and put my hand gently against the glass when out of nowhere it jumps right at me. I rear back with a screech and can hear Martha chuckle behind me.

"Eric is not a big fan either. Up to this day we do not know why Hector does this when someone puts his hand against the glass, but he is a repeat offender, nothing personal."

I nod, but my heart is still pounding hard in my chest and I am breathing heavily when I follow Martha and our lunch back to the table.

"Thank god you selected a table over here," I tell Eric while trying to get my breathing back under control.

Martha laughs out loud at that and pinches Eric's cheek.

"No, love, Eric would never sit anywhere close to Hector. You see," she leans in closer as if to tell me a secret "Eric was a little lad, just about four, when his mother brought him in to meet his daddy for lunch. She left him on his own at the table where Hector lives before his dad got here and unfortunately Hector's enclosure was left open after we had him fed."

Oh god, I can imagine where this is going.

I put my hand on hers. "There is no need to tell me the rest, Martha."

I look at Eric and he seems to be relieved to have avoided hearing the whole story, so I grab his hand and squeeze, a gesture which he returns.

"And that," Martha looks at Eric, but points at me "is true love. Anyone who wants to spare you from having to hear that story again is a keeper."

With those words she squeezes Eric's cheek once more and pats me on the shoulder while walking past.

Eric and I look at each other dumbfounded.

"I am not the one telling her," I say, and Eric actually blushes.

"It's ok, Eric." Rub my thumb over his hand and he stares down at our still entwined hands.

…

I let him sort through whatever he may be thinking and start eating with my other hand. The food is absolutely divine once I get over myself and actually eat those masterpieces.

I am snacking on Eric's veggie train with that delicious dip when he finally looks at me.

"Are you real?" I almost choke on the piece of carrot I was chewing. I spit a few chunks into my napkin and drink my water to soothe the burn from the carrot chunks that went all the way down.

"Sorry, what?" I look at Eric to elaborate.

"Are you real?" Eric repeats his question.

"I am not sure I understand. Why wouldn't I be real? Do you think you could dream all this up? Grayson's heart attack, your... that woman, Jeanine, Martha and this restaurant?"

"Shit, Tris, I am sorry. That came out completely wrong. Just... forget about it." I leave it be and we are enjoying a really nice lunch before heading back to the hospital where we are told the good news about Grayson's full recovery chances before heading back to Dauntless.


	3. Day three

**Chapter three**

_Tris POV_

"Good morning, Tris. You are early!" Jeanine greets me after I knock on her apartment door just before seven in the morning.

"I know, but I couldn't sleep and need to talk to you about today's tests."

She leads me to the couch and takes a seat, waiting for me to do the same.

"Let me hear it."

"Are you aware that I have Eric as my charge?"

Jeanine nods.

"Are you aware of his fears and dreams?"

"I have been briefed about the contents of each volunteer's fears and dreams."

"Good, because if today is the way you described it to be I need to have a new charge assigned to me." I am breathless after squeezing all this out without taking a breath.

"Beatrice, don't let your Abnegation rule you!"

"No, it is not my Abnegation side. I... it just doesn't feel right to force Eric to answer questions about what I saw in his simulations if I am part of them. It seems like a breach of trust if I force him to answer all the questions I have instead of waiting for him to tell me on his own."

Jeanine looks at me contemplatively. "You care about him?"

"I do."

"Very well, then you have made a wise choice. Good luck, Tris. Eric will be a hard nut to crack."

Somehow, I have my doubts.

"Can I trade with Tobias?"

"Why him?"

"I think they are more alike than they believe, and it might be good to clear the air, so to speak."

Jeanine nods as if in agreement. "I will allow it, but only after you tell him the reason."

"Fair enough. Thank you!"

I move in to hug her and which she returns with enthusiasm.

"I am really glad all you kids decided to leave Abnegation. I don't know what my brother and sister were thinking."

I look at her. "You know why they left, don't beat around the bush!" I admonish and Jeanine at least has the decency to look sheepish.

"I would have never gone through with it! I promise you, but I do understand their side. They wanted to live life in peace without being someone's test subject or pin cushion."

I nod in agreement.

"Go and talk to Tobias, Tris. I will see you in a little while."

"Thanks!" I hurry back to the tracks and make it on the next train which brings me back to Dauntless with about an hour to talk Tobias into swapping partners.

…

Tobias is still in bed when I get back home and I knock on his door.

"Come in!" I can hear his raspy voice and quietly open the door. It is pitch black and I leave the door a tiny bit open to see where I am going when I cross the room to the bed. I crawl under the covers and Tobias tries to push me away when he feels how freezing cold my body is from the wind on the train.

"I need to talk to you about swapping charges today."

"No!" Tobias states.

"I went to talk to Jeanine this morning and she approves. I have a conflict of interest and you are a better candidate to do this last test."

"If you have a conflict then most likely so have I!"

"No, I don't think so. Look, just hear me out and don't judge. Okay?"

I feel him nod and I pinch him slightly on his thigh. "Yes, I will hear you out. Gosh, stop this crap, Tris."

"Good, and don't you forget." I take a deep breath. "My charge is Eric."

"No! Absolutely not! I am not going to go into his mind. Are you nuts? Ask someone else. Anyone but him!"

"HEAR ME OUT," I growl. "You can ask him all the questions you always wanted to know and maybe you can finally find peace with each other and bury that damned hatched for good."

Silence, ok, I can take silence.

"Eric has eight fears, one of them is an emotionally abusive mother who I unfortunately meet in real life also, and another is fear of enclosed spaces. Did you notice that he always takes the stairs or opens the door in the train just like you do? … Never mind. Uh, one of his fears centres around you and me... We are telling the person assigning apartments that I will move in with you and then you proceed to tell the clerk that we are so in love, we will be getting married that same day and that we can't wait to start a family together."

I can hear fake gagging and pinch him again.

"Ouch, Tris, stop that!"

"Pay attention," I admonish.

"I was paying too close attention," Tobias whines.

I pay him no mind and continue. "His hopes and dreams the next day centre around me. He dreams of us being a couple, he proposes in his dream sequence and we end up having a large family with five kids."

Silence. Blissful or ominous? I am about to find out for sure. So I continue with my concerns.

"You know today is the truth serum simulation where we are expected to ask questions. It does not feel right for me to ask all the questions I have when Eric has no choice but to answer. He is not even aware I know all those things and I honestly do not want to ruin what we have."

"And what do you have?" Tobias finally speaks up.

"We have a good work relationship and I would call us friends. There has been some mild flirting, I think, but nothing more. Eric has kind of opened up to me yesterday after I met his mother. What an awful person, let me tell you. She called me his little whore and recommended I run as fast and as far as possible for he is nothing like a philanderer and that he will end up running away with a younger woman."

I pause for a moment

"She was projecting all her issues and problems onto him. Tobias, you know Eric. What happened next is the opposite of what he would normally do! He shut down and it took him a while to snap out of it."

I wait for Tobias to let me have it, but all the says is "okay!"

"What? That's it? Okay?"

"Yes, you made some valid points and I think it will be better if I ask Eric questions instead of you."

"Oh my god, what are you going to do to him? There are rules, you know?"

"Tris," Tobias tries to soothe. "I am going to get to the bottom of all this. You are right and Eric's issues stem from something that makes him react to certain things in a way we do not approve of. We are both plagued by demons and maybe we really should try to get along better, especially if he follows his aspirations with you. Seems to me you are quite receptive," Tobias teases.

"Come on!" I pull the blanket from both of us. "Time is wasting, I bet we are running late by now. Oh, also one of Eric's fears so he will be punctual."

"Yeah, I kind of knew of his obsession with being on time already."

"The whole Faction does, but still. Come on!"

…

Tobias heads into the bathroom and I make a quick breakfast. We do have enough time to actually sit down and eat thanks to him being so low maintenance. If it were Christina, I would be hours late. We run together to the train and see a bunch of others waiting already.

Uriah blows me a kiss and Eric just seems to stare into space. Tobias is looking at him with concern and I am glad I talked to him about everything.

The train horn blares, and we all start running alongside the train once it is close enough. In a single line we file into the cars and I end up in one together with Uriah, Zeke, Eric, Tori, Christina and Tobias.

Christina comes over to close the door, complaining about her hair, but I put my hand up to stop her.

"I feel like I need some fresh air. Do you mind if we leave if open?" I say to her quietly.

She looks at me with slight concern but nods. "You ok?"

"Yeah, I couldn't sleep last night and went for an early morning train ride to clear my head. Seems I need some more..." I trail off, and she leaves it as that.

Tobias squeezes my hand in thanks, and I wink at him.

The train ride is quiet with everyone sticking to his or her own thoughts.

…

We jump out at Erudite headquarters and while we walk, Tori moves closer to Tobias. She is quiet, but not so much that I can't hear her.

"You know that it would be no problem to admit you do not like enclosed spaces. I hate them too and we are not the only ones either. All you need to do is pay attention and there is one on almost every train ride."

Tobias nods almost imperceptibly and Tori moves on to my side. The time she speaks really lowly.

"You are attending Jeanine's project, aren't you?"

I nod without looking at her.

"Good. This one is a worthy cause, so I volunteered to honour George. What the previous leader did was despicable, and I am glad to see a change. Just make sure your aunt stays on the straight and narrow."

I stop in my tracks, but Tori must have foreseen this and links her elbow with mine, dragging me forward with her.

"Does everyone know?" I hiss at her.

"No, almost nobody will remember your grandparents and their various love affairs. It is a blessing that they all got different last names. I only know because my mother was a good friend of you grandmother's and I grew but knowing who Evelyn, Andrew and Jeanine were to each other. Your secret is safe with me, but it does not have to be a secret either, Tris. Nobody can claim you got preferential treatment for anything. Who else knows about it anyway?"

I blush and of course Tori notices. She notices everything. "Spill!"

"Eric and I bumped into his mother yesterday..."

"Ooh, nasty woman. She is going to burn in hell one day," Tori interrupts.

"... and after she called me Eric's little bitch and spewed a few other nasties I told her I would report her disrespectful behaviour towards two Dauntless leaders to Jeanine. She actually laughed in my face and told me Jeanine would not believe Dauntless nobody over her. So, I told her that she will definitely listen to her niece and guess who interrupted to confirm all I said?" I continue.

"No way! God, I would have loved to have seen this. Do you think they kept the surveillance video? Oh, I must track down Paul and ask him. Where were you and when did it happen?"

"Uh, I don't know if that is such a good idea, Tori. It was really unpleasant."

Tori waves me off. "I can imagine, but I think Eric might want to look back over it when he is ready and until then I will keep it as evidence for her transgressions."

"Fine, it was around noon and we were walking past a really cool nursery on our way to lunch..."

Tori interrupts me again - I hate it when people do that! "Oh, I know where you were heading to. Great food! Come on, Tris, time to play hide your agenda."

Tori ducks into a narrow hallway and gestures for me to follow.

It seems every former Erudite still knows their way around the crowds.

"Your entrance?" Tori stops in front of an inconspicuous door and I look around.

"I think so," I gently push the door open and peek in. "Yep. Thanks, Tori. I will talk to you later?"

She grins at me. "Sure!" I am about to turn away when I hear her voice again. "Be kind to Eric, Tris!"

"What?!" I sputter.

"You must know I am aware Eric volunteered on my side of the isle."

I nod.

"He needed to talk to someone afterwards and I was there."

I nod again, not sure about what she means.

"Tris, I doubt anyone but you would have shown so much compassion and done the things his shadow did for him. And then you went and did it in real life too."

I cringe. "Was it that obvious?"

Tori shakes her head. "No, but I know you since your aptitude test and I have known Tobias since his. You were the only one that fit the bill. So, please be kind to him today?"

"Tori, I am not going to be Eric's shadow today. I talked to Jeanine early this morning and she allowed me to trade places with Tobias. It just did not feel right to force Eric to answer all my questions. Not like this at least. I'd rather he tells me things because he wants to."

Tori hugs me. "God, you are just perfect for him. And maybe this will finally fix things between him and Tobias." Tori looks at her wrist. "Got to go! If you want to... we are just down the corridor. Third door on the left."

…

She is gone and I am left alone with my thoughts.

I enter the waiting area slowly and force myself to walk over to door number two. Tobias takes his place in front of number five and all the others stare at us.

"Conflict of interest!" I simply state and they all nod.

…

"Good morning! Thank you all for coming to attend the last day of our project."

Jeanine takes the time to look around, meeting each of our faces.

"Today we will enter into a new era of interrogation. I wanted to remind you that all your counterparts are volunteers. People you most likely know. Some of you might even have an idea who is on the other side of that wall. Be kind to them, this is just an experiment to see what works, not a real life and death situation. With that said, please proceed!"

We all enter through our doors.

…

I am more than surprised to see Emily here. She gives me a kind smile.

"Good morning, Tris. I thought you might appreciate me moving with you. Scott and I talked about it and decided to go where our charges go. I have been fully briefed on your new subject. Do you need some background information?"

Crap! "Thanks Emily, I actually do," I admit.

"No worries. Your charge identifies as female, she has twelve fears. She is afraid of snakes, failure, losing a loved one, being inadequate, not being worthy, not being good enough for her superiors, the dark, commitment, being late, ..."

Emily drones on and on, but I think I have heard enough. It sounds a lot like Tori to me and maybe she knew when we separated? Doesn't matter. I am here to do my best so I will ask a few nice questions, something easy and we will be golden.

I pay attention to one dream though, 'hoping that the brother's death was just a nightmare'. It has to be Tori.

With that in mind I get comfortable in my seat and when the green light flicks on Emily pushes the needle into my neck for the last time.

…

It is dark once more and I can see some gradual light starting in the distance, so I walk closer.

There is a figure sitting in a chair. It looks comfortable, like it is part of a couch set and not a run of the mill office guest chair. Those are painful, let me tell you. There is only one chair, but I am divergent and able to manipulate, so I conjure up a second chair and sit down.

"Hello! How are you today?" I ask.

"Not too bad," my charge replies.

"Are you comfortable with me asking you questions today?"

"I am not sure," my charge replies honestly, and I can see the figure cringe.

"That is absolutely fine. You may think you are ready and then you realize you were not completely honest with yourself. I think we all are just like that." I pause. "Can I ask you some simple questions? I promise I will not intrude on private matters."

"Yes!"

Good. "Are you Dauntless?"

"Yes."

"Are you former Erudite?"

"Yes."

"Do you like to draw?"

"Yes."

"What do you do for work?"

"I am a tattoo artist."

"Thank you, Tori. I hope you were ok with these questions. I will see you soon." I pause for a moment to let my words sink in. "Thank you for your candor!"

…

And I am back in my chair with Emily looking at me stunned. "How I wish there were more people like you, Tris!"

I look at her surprised.

"It took you just over a minute in total and you were really kind to your charge. You made sure the serum worked. Asked simple questions and then one to see if they answer with more than yes or no. You knew who you were having from my description, didn't you?"

I nod.

"See, but once more you decided to be kind and not abuse the power you were given. What do you think would have happened if an Erudite or even a Candor were to do the questioning like this?"

I mull this over for a second. "They would be in danger of running off tangent and just ask as many questions as they pleased without someone interfering the additional intrusion and change to the purpose of going under... Give me the papers. I have to make sure to bring all this up!"

…

I am writing for what feels like forever and I have to ask Emily for extra paper twice after I finished all the questions.

"Done," I finally proclaim.

"Great! I will lead you out," Emily offers but I decline.

"It's fine. I am sure all of us have their suspicions as to who is doing this. I might just look for my subject to make sure we are still friends."

Emily hugs me goodbye and wishes me good luck for the future. "Let me know what happens with your suitor," she whispers quietly into my ear when she passes me to open the door.

I wink and walk out.

…

There is no sign of anyone else so I walk back towards the hallway and turn in the direction where Tori said she would be.

I think I found the right door and softly open it to peek my head in. There are some seats, and from where I stand I immediately spot Tori and Eric deep in conversation.

Their backs are to me so they do not see my approach and apparently they don't hear me either.

…

"I could have sworn I had a different shadow today. The whole approach was different, nothing soft or tentative. It was like they switched personalities on me. And those questions. It is someone who knows who I am. They were too specific... and going for my motives for ... everything."

"Eric, did they ask you upsetting questions?" Tori sounds worried and to be honest, so am I.

"Yes, no, shit," he rubs his hands over his face.

"They were follow-up questions to the first two simulations. Questions like if all my fears were real of just symbolic for other things bothering me. And then they wanted to know about my hopes and dreams."

Eric's tone of voice wants me to make him feel better, but I feel like I have to wait.

"Like what?" Tori asks the question for me.

"My intentions," Eric mumbles.

"Intentions for what?"

Thank you, Tori!

"Tris. All my hopes and dreams centred around her and my shadow was basically interrogating me to see if I really mean it, if I will try and change for her. If I would be willing to separate her from Four. Sex and if I forgot her fears from the final exam. A lot of specific questions."

Good grief, Tobias really pulled out all the stops.

Eric seems to mull something over in his head. "Do you think it was Four? There were some questions centred around my own initiation and things that only someone who was in my class could know."

Very inconspicuous, Tobias. I think it's time I talked to Eric.

…

I wordlessly slide into the free seat next to Eric's and cuddle into his side.

Eric looks at me wide eyed and slightly panicked while Tori smirks.

"I will see you later, Tris. Thanks for going easy on me!" She blows me a kiss and leaves.

Eric opens his mouth to speak, but I put my finger on his lips to shush him before cuddling a bit more into his large frame.

Eric feels stiff, but he moves his arms around me none the less. We sit like this for a few minutes until I can feel him relax.

"Ask," I simply state and Eric swallows hard.

"Who was my shadow?"

Straight to the point. Good, he is coming back.

"Day one and two it was me, for today I swapped with Four."

"Why?"

"Why did I swap?"

"Yes."

"Because I did not think it was right to ask you all the questions I have when you have no choice but to answer them."

"Oh, Tris, I would gladly answer every single question you have."

"Oh really?" I can feel Eric nod and he pulls me in closer. "Why did you never ask me out?"

"Because I did not know that you were not dating Four."

"You heard Jeanine yesterday. You know he is my cousin."

"And I also bumped into my birther." Eric sounds defensive.

"Don't remind me. Ok, fine. You win this one, but could you not have flirted a bit more obviously?"

"And then what? Have Four come and accuse me of trying to steal his girlfriend?"

"Well, we could have cleared that up so much earlier if you had."

"Shit, Tris. Cut me some slack, I was trying to do the right thing."

I kiss his cotton covered chest. "You did and I appreciate that. Now, what do you plan on doing next?"

I look up at him curiously and he smirks. "Trying to make my dreams come true," he whispers and leans in to peck me softly on my lips.

I sigh against his and he puts a bit more pressure on my lips. It feels nice and I let him keep his lips there for a little bit longer, okay, for as long as her wants.

…

Eric's rumbling stomach brings things into focus and I slowly separate my mouth from his.

"No, Tris, come back," Eric complaints, but when his stomach makes even more desperate sounds than before he looks down in astonishment. "Traitor," he mumbles, and I laugh.

"Come on, Eric, let me take you to lunch. I know just the place," I tease and take his hand.


	4. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I could not decide between two different endings, so I included both. I had some feedback, but is was basically that both versions were okay which is nice to hear, but did nothing to help me choose.

"Wow, this is amazing, Tris," Christina compliments.

"Fuck off, this is mine," I can hear Uriah screech and turn to look at what caused his outburst.

He is kicking at Zeke while holding tightly onto a rope dangling down the wall.

Zeke is cursing up a storm and doesn't notice Shauna and Lynn claiming the last remaining ropes that were up for grabs.

…

"Come on, I want to go explore," Christina links her arm with mine and together we walk through the maze of tunnels, towers and houses.

"This is even better than I remember," I can hear Will shout from above us.

Looking up I see him crossing a narrow rope bridge with surprising grace and agility.

"Men," Christina huffs, but her smile gives away her true feelings.

"Come on, you haven't seen the best part yet," I take her hand in mine and drag her along.

"Voila," I gesture towards a sectioned off space in the new tunnel.

"Where the fuck is the door?" Christina runs her hands along the coloured glass.

"Here," I show her a smooth rock on the far side and easily push the sliding glass door open.

"Genius," she compliments, and I try to bow dramatically.

"Can we try all the toys?" Christina is just as excited as I was the first time I saw it all.

"Sure, go ahead, I will follow you," I smile at her indulgently while she explores the play area we created for the Dauntless children.

…

Just like he promised, Eric helped me convince Max that a play based Dauntless learning centre and playground was just the thing we needed.

Max raised his own concerns about who was supposed to use the area vs who would end up using it, so we created the adult version the same time as we did the children's one.

Now, two years later we were finally having the grand opening for the whole of Dauntless.

"I repeat: this is amazing," Christina shouts over to me from where she stands at the practice target for knife throwing.

Our own weapons specialists helped create knives and targets that were kids safe and I could have hugged them when they even came up with a real enough looking version of our standard issue gun that did not cause bodily harm should you get shot by accident.

…

"You are amazing," a warm voice from behind me compliments and I smile.

Strong arms envelope me and I lean back to enjoy the heat of his body on my sore muscles.

"Ooh, that feels nice," I moan in delight.

"I can make you moan my name later," Eric offers, and I turn around to hug myself to him.

"That would be appreciated, husband."

"Anything for my wife," he replies.

"Stop the nauseating display of affection and come play with me," Christina shouts over to us.

Hand in hand, Eric and I walk over and what ensures is an epic battle of skills.

…

Eric and I are head to head, and it is the final round. Christina is guaranteed a third place, but Eric still has one more chance to beat me.

He approaches the line on the ground and plays with the knife before turning to me one last time.

"I will dedicate my win to you," he states and gets into position.

He doesn't see my approach and he especially doesn't see the hand moving closer.

Just as he is about to release the knife I grab a handful of ass and squeeze tightly.

…

I have no idea where the knife landed, but from the clatter I would say he hit the wall. I don't wait around to see, I take off in a sprint and try to hide in the maze of climbing walls and towers we created for the children.

"He is coming after you," Christina shouts a warning, "I am going to look for Will. See you later," she adds with laughter in her voice.

I can hear heavy footfall, but there is no way to pinpoint where the sounds are coming from.

By now I am crouching further down and inching my way along the tower I am currently hiding behind.

"Shit," I screech when I am suddenly yanked up by my shoulders.

Eric's laughter fills the cavernous space when he pulls me through the window that he used to capture me.

"I won," he states with a smirk.

"I think we both won," I give him a soft kiss.

"Yes, but I captured myself a wife," he proudly declares while posing and showing off his muscles.

"Caveman," I tease, and Eric looks around the cavern with exaggerated obviousness.

"You love this caveman," Eric reminds me.

"I have for the last two years," I acknowledge. "I even had enough faith to marry him after he proposed to me with the help of food," I tease.

"You said you loved the proposal Martha helped me create," Eric sounds like he doesn't know I am only teasing.

"You know I did, Eric, but nobody else would believe me when I told them you proposed to me with the help of a vegetable train filled with my favourite food," I remind him.

"Then it's a good thing we have it all on video," Eric smirks once more.

I know he is reminiscing about what else is on that video. Let's just say his dream proposal wasn't that far off.

…

Eric's lips find mine and the kiss is getting heated.

"Would you like a repeat performance," he whispers with a roughened voice.

"I was counting on you offering," I smile while pulling a condom out of my pocket.

Eric takes his shirt off while I pull my boots off.

"They can walk in on us any moment, Tris," Eric warns me with a pointed look at the increasing pile of clothes.

"Then they will get a free anatomy lesson," I joke and pull my panties off. "Come on, strip. If you take too long they will definitely find us," I am serious.

Seconds later Eric is naked and has the condom in his hand, looking at it with an unreadable expression.

"What's wrong?" I put my hand on his.

"How," Eric swallows hard, "how do you feel about creating that baby that we talked about?"

"Right now?" I clarify.

"If that's what you want," Eric still hasn't made eye contact.

"I don't think we can make a baby today," I try to make sure my voice is soft.

"Soon?" Eric finally raises his eyes to mine.

"How about a year from today?" I make sure he knows I am not saying no, but his face falls. I feel like giving in, but I should stick to the plan. "I love you!" I state. "Please, will you make love to me?"

…

Wordlessly, Eric takes me in his arms, and I raise myself up to kiss him.

Just like always we melt together, and I can feel Eric relax when the kiss heats up.

I slow the kiss, trace his lips and run mine down his neck, nibbling and sucking as I go. I lower my feet and kiss around his nipples, tracing my tongue over my name permanently etched onto his heart.

Before I can sink down on my knees Eric's arms wrap around me and he lifts me up.

"Not now, Tris, I want to take you against the wall and I want to do it before someone else comes," he sounds husky.

"Okay," I kiss him once more and feel his erection rubbing along my slit, causing me to moan in delight. He pushes inside and the sensations are overwhelming both of us. I can see his eyes widen when he pulls back and plunges back in.

My hand sneaks down and I start rubbing my clit when suddenly I feel something else.

"Condom," I shout, and Eric almost drops me in his haste to separate us.

"Shit, shit, shit. I swear it was an accident, Tris. I did not mean to... I would never do that to you... you have to know that..."

I push my hand over his mouth to silence him.

"I know," is the only thing I say before looking around for the condom we dropped somewhere on the floor.

"Here," Eric rips the packet open and puts it on before grabbing me once more and plunging in.

"Fuck, yes," I moan when his rhythm is rapidly increasing in speed and depth.

My hand sneaks back down and I start rubbing furiously. Experience tells me he won't last long and I want to be there, with him, when he comes.

Eric's bends his head and sucks one of my nipples into his mouth. The sensation creates a chain reaction and I come within seconds.

His head doesn't leave my chest and his lips don't release the suction, no, if I were to tell the truth he sucks harden than before. My orgasm ebbs but doesn't cease and I can feel a new peak approaching, one that will be bigger than the previous one.

I am moaning, groaning and whining, but when Eric comes, I am eerily silent. All thought left me, and my mind goes into overdrive when wave after wave of pleasure roll over me.

…

"Tris?" I can feel someone shaking me.

"Tris? Come on, honey, you are starting to scare me," Eric's voice sounds higher than usual.

"Hmmm, that was great," I mumble and cuddle into him.

"Open your eyes, Beatrice!" Eric's voice has me stiffen and my eyes open comically wide.

"Don't you ever scare me like that again," his voice is rough and has an edge to it. "You passed out for several minutes!" Eric looks at me accusingly and I don't know what to say.

"Sorry?" I look around and see that I am lying on our pile of clothes. Huh, I must have really been out of it.

Eric takes a deep breath and hugs me something fierce.

Suddenly the sound of stomping feet and voices can be heard, and I stiffen.

"Thank god they waited this long," I mumble while sorting our clothes. We get dressed in haste and are lucky enough to sneak out before anyone is the wiser.

…

"Dinner?" I ask as we walk back through the tunnels.

"Sure," Eric eyes me suspiciously. "Are you okay?"

"I have never been better," I state and wrap my arm around his waist. "Thank you," I state, and he knows what it is for. Eric slows his steps when we approach the dining hall, but I pull him along with me.

"I arranged a little surprise treat for today," I state and Eric grins, increasing his steps until he is the one dragging me along.

"Slow down," I laugh.

"Never," he growls.

…

When I open the door to our apartment he sniffs the air and then grins at me. "Martha's?"

"Of course, as if I could to that myself!" I am honest enough to know when I have reached my limits and cooking with more spices and different ingredients than I grew up with has been my Achilles heel in the kitchen.

"I still love you," Eric declares and rushes into the kitchen. "Oh, she is already gone," he complains.

"Yes, she said she had a birthday party to cater for tonight. Everything is kept properly and she promised me it would not chance the flavours or textures." I point at the different silver dishes on the counter. "Come on," I grab to plates and hand one to Eric.

…

"God, I am stuffed," Eric moans sometime later.

"Me too," I declare loudly and have no shame when I open the button and zipper on my jeans.

"There is still dessert," I groan. "Maybe we should wait a bit..."

"No!" Eric shouts and jumps up. "Where...?" he looks around with wild eyes.

"Here, let me," I stand up with another groan and push him back in his seat before walking over to our fridge.

Eric's eyes follow every single movement of my hands and his eyes widen when he sees the number of containers I pull out of the fridge. I make sure my back is to him when I arrange everything on the tray Martha left for us.

"Oh, almost forgot the coffee," I mumble and hit the button on the machine which I prepared earlier.

"Tris..." Eric growls.

"Just a moment," I soothe and turn around with my bounty.

"Here you go," I put the tray down in the middle of the table and exchange our dirty plates for clean bowls, glasses and fresh cutlery.

"Wow," Eric exclaims, and I grin.

"You can create whatever you like. There is apple sauce, berry compote, custard, cream, yoghurt, a variety of cookies and oats." I point to each in turn and walk back a final time to grab the coffee.

I kiss Eric on the head when I set his cup down. He is way too busy creating to acknowledge me, so I take a seat and look on in amazement.

"Hmmm, this is really good. Here," Eric pushes a spoon full of yoghurt, oats and apple sauce my way.

"Oh, yeah," I moan when the flavours hit my tongue. "The cinnamon is a great addition," I compliment Martha's skills.

"I bet she also added something to the berries," Eric announces, and my eyes widen.

"My turn," I declare and follow Eric's recipe, substituting the apple sauce for the berry compote. "Oh yes, cinnamon, cloves and..." I smack my lips, "... orange?"

"Let me try." I hold a spoonful to his lips and he greedily takes it in. "Hmmm, oh yeah..." he looks at me with a smirk. "... you were right!"

We each eat different concoctions and if I hadn't already felt like bursting I would now.

"Will you hold it against me if I take my pants off?" I am serious, but Eric only shrugs his shoulders, so I leave him to change into my preferred sleep shirt.

Eric is still eating, so I sit down and sip my coffee.

"Do you think we can convince Martha to defect to Dauntless?" Eric asks with a seriousness that tells me he would hope so.

"No," I laugh, "but we are allowed to borrow her from time to time and for that we should be immensely grateful."

"Amen," Eric states and takes a big gulp from his coffee cup.

I follow his example and take another sip from mine, relishing in the flavour and thinking about the coming year.

…

Now this is where the two versions come into play and the story splits....

"Crap!" I exclaim and grab the napkin to wipe my face, arms and shirt.

"What the fuck, Tris," Eric whispers and I look at him in astonishment.

He is silent when he gets up and grabs the kitchen towel.

He doesn't say a word when he wipes down my face and arms.

He doesn't make eye contact when his hands reach for the hem of my shirt and pulls it up and over my head.

"Shit," he exhales through clenched teeth when he sees I wasn't wearing anything underneath.

His knees seem to give way and he drops down onto the floor.

Eric's head falls forward and lands right in between my breasts. He nuzzles them a little bit, but then he moves lower and rains kisses all over my stomach.

He looks up at me with wide eyes. "Really?"

I nod at him with tears in my eyes. "Yes, really."

Once more he kisses all around my naval.

"Hello little one, I am your daddy," I can hear him whisper and can't hold back. The floodgates open at seeing my big, strong badass of a husband introducing himself to our child.

…

"I have to go soothe mommy, but I will be back!" Eric kisses my stomach once more and then kisses his way up to my lips.

"I love you!" He murmurs against them. "Thank you!" He hugs me something fierce.

"Good surprise?" I ask.

"The best," he cups my cheek.

"Bed?" I ask innocently and he simply stands up and lift me into his arms.

His stride is sure and steady, and I can almost feel his smugness when he carefully sets me down on the bed, strips and start worshipping my body over and over again.

…

"Eric, please?" I beg, but he is unrelenting.

"Not yet," and he goes back to sucking and licking me, coaxing my third orgasm out of me with experienced ease.

"Eric," I moan his name and it is like a prayer on my lips.

"Come on, one more, sweetheart," Eric gives me a moment to recover, rubbing my legs and arms while looking me deep in the eye.

I can see his face change when he deems me ready to proceed, the determination is obvious.

His mouth anchors in between my legs and his tongue lashes out at my clit. His fingers inch up my leg, closer and closer to where he resides in the apex of my thighs. The anticipation is killing me, I know where they are heading, yet their slow pace drives me mad. Finally, they reach my sopping core and he immediately slides two fingers inside me.

"Oh god," I moan and undulate my hips.

Eric's other arm comes up and pushes me gently down on the mattress, then adds more weight to keep me there.

He wriggles his fingers, bends the tips and moves them in just the right way to hit my g-spot repeatedly.

I am getting closer and closer and when I am on the brink of my fourth orgasm, he detaches his mouth, retrieves his fingers and moves up my body so fast I don't get a chance to voice my complaints. He kisses me fully on the lips and sinks into me.

We both moan at how good it feels for either of us. He pushes in and out with increasing speed. His thrusts are hard and deep. If I wasn't already about to come, I would be now.

I arch into him and clench around his cock while he keeps moving in and out.

"I fucking love you," Eric shouts and comes.

He is panting heavily, and so am I.

Eric leans onto his forearms and gently rolls us so I am on top of him.

His fingers run up and down my spine, it makes me shiver and he covers both of us with a blanket. We both are dozing off, yet we don't change positions.

…

"How did you tell Eric you were pregnant," Christina asks me innocently while she helps me paint red and black butterflies over one wall in the new nursery we have created in a newly vacated apartment close to the infirmary.

I look at her sharply, but she doesn't give anything away.

"I wrote it with permanent marker onto the bottom of his coffee cup. I would NOT recommend this to anyone else, though. He sprayed me with coffee and smashed the mug," I lament and Christina only nods. "I had the pregnancy test I took gift wrapped in case the marker would wash off. I would go with that one," I state, and she nods once more.

"Congratulations," I whisper when I hug her.

…

When Rose was born a few months later, Eric and I selected Christina and Will as godparents.

They returned the favour when their son Nathan was born three months later.

I just looked at Nathan, then at Rose, and told Eric he could start working on that baby I had promised him a year ago the same night.

Eric persevered and we welcomed Tristan into the fold.

Of course, we went to repeat this a few more times and by the time I turned thirty we were able to count five amazing children our own.

…

Yes, life was good, and I made sure I thanked my aunt on a regular basis for letting me take a peek into my husband's head.

THE END

* * *

**ALTERNATIVE ENDING**

"Crap!" I exclaim and grab the napkin to wipe my face, arms and shirt.

"What the fuck, Tris," Eric roars and I look at him like he lost his mind.

He looks absolutely furious. His gaze doesn't waver. "Is this some sick kind of joke?" he growls at me and I am stunned speechless.

"Wow," I stand up, "I did not see this one coming," I am talking to myself now.

Walking over to the counter I grab a white box with a bow on it and throw it on the table.

"I am going for a walk," I state with a calmness I don't feel and without looking back I head out the door.

…

I can feel the freezing floor under my feet and look down in surprise. No shoes, no socks, not even pants. The only thing I am wearing is Eric's old t-shirt.

I lean against the wall next to our door and close my eyes.

"What the hell just happened?" The question runs in a loop through my mind, yet an answer is not forthcoming.

…

I have no idea how much time has passed when I feel someone watching me. I don't give a shit and ignore the feeling until warm hands grab me and I am cradled against a hot chest while being carried back inside. Eric takes me straight into the bathroom and doesn't let me go when he starts to run a bath.

"I am sorry," he whispers over and over again, but I stay silent.

He sets me down on the bathmat and removes his clothes and then my shirt before stepping into the full tub and lifting me once more into his arms.

Slowly and carefully he sinks down, and when the hot water hits my frozen skin another part of me seems to unfreeze. I jerk forward violently, but Eric's hold on me is tight.

"Tris, I am sorry!" He kisses my shoulders and hugs me from behind.

"I don't know what came over me and if I could turn back time I would," he states with a choked voice I have never heard before.

I slowly turn my head and look at him. He has tears running down his cheeks and doesn't do anything to hide them.

"Please don't leave me," he is begging now and somehow it softens my hardened heart.

"I am not going to leave you, but you hurt me!" I state out loud for the first time.

"I know, and if I could explain it properly I would," Eric laments.

"Try," I demand.

"It's just that we talked about it and you said one thing, then another and my mind when into overdrive. Maybe it was an overload of different emotions and I just exploded to let it all out? I got scared, I got excited, I got pissed at your deception and I got upset at you for not telling me earlier. To have missed out on the first steps already..." Eric trails off and I somehow understand what he means. It still doesn't make me feel better, but I do not feel as much anger and disappointment as I have before.

"... my mother always told me that I was unworthy of love, that I did not deserve good things; that I would be abandoned, just like her; that I would cheat, like my father cheated on her - that it was not in my DNA to be faithful; I should never procreate for I would abandon and doom any child of mine; that the city would be better off without me in it..." Eric takes a deep, steadying breath, and I feel rage for what his mother had done.

"I love you and I never wanted to hurt you. I am disappointed in myself and I don't know what to do to fix this," he kisses my shoulder and moves up my neck.

"Eric," I admonish, and he cringes.

"This should have been the best day of my life and I ruined it," he quietly admits, and I don't know what to say.

"We can still salvage it," I whisper almost inaudibly. "We can fix this and us. I want to look back to this day and feel great euphoria and not despair. Show me what I mean to you," I relent, because I want us to be ... us again.

"Anything," Eric solemnly swears and then proceeds to pepper me with soft kisses over every bit of exposed skin.

"I love you!" he kisses me right over where my heart sits.

"I am ecstatic you gave me a chance when you did," he kisses my left collarbone.

"I was over the moon when you took care of the evil in my life," he kisses my right collarbone.

"I knew I was in love with you when you stopped Martha from finishing her story about Hector," he kisses my throat repeatedly.

"You allowed me to date you," he kisses my left cheek.

"You allowed me to show the whole faction that I was worthy of you," he kisses my right cheek.

"You made me a changed man when you accepted my proposal," he nibbles on my left earlobe and I moan and shiver in delight.

"You stood by me, no matter what, but when it was my turn to show you how much faith and trust I have in you, I failed. I love you, always and forever and I want to show you how much," he sucks on my right earlobe and this time he does not retreat no matter how much I shiver or moan.

Eric knows how to make me helpless and render me useless. A quivering mess moulded however he deems right.

"I love you," he needs to hear it as just as much as I need to say it.

"Thank god," he crashes his lips to my mouth, and I respond in kind.

"Bed?" I ask innocently and he just stands up and sets me back down onto the bathmat. A large towel is wrapped around me and then I am back in his arms.

His stride is sure and steady, and I can almost feel his smugness when he carefully sets me down on the bed.

The towels are discarded, and he worships my body over and over again.

"Eric, please?" I beg, but he is unrelenting.

"Not yet," and he goes back to sucking and licking me, coaxing my third orgasm out of me with experienced ease.

"Eric," I moan his name and it is like a prayer on my lips.

"Come on, one more, sweetheart," Eric gives me a moment to recover, rubbing my legs and arms while looking me deep in the eye.

I can see his face change when he deems me ready to proceed, the determination is obvious.

His mouth anchors in between my legs and his tongue lashes out at my clit. His fingers inch up my leg, closer and closer to where he resides in the apex of my thighs. The anticipation is killing me, I know where they are heading, yet their slow pace drives me mad. Finally, they reach my sopping core and he immediately slides two fingers inside me.

"Oh god," I moan and undulate my hips.

Eric's other arm comes up and pushes me gently down on the mattress, then adds more weight to keep me there.

He wriggles his fingers, bends the tips and moves them in just the right way to hit my g-spot repeatedly.

I am getting closer and closer and when I am on the brink of my fourth orgasm he detaches his mouth, retrieves his fingers and moves up my body so fast I don't get a chance to voice my complaints. He kisses me fully on the lips and sinks into me.

We both moan at how good it feels for either of us. He pushes in and out with increasing speed. His thrusts are hard and deep. If I wasn't already about to come, I would be now.

I arch into him and clench around his cock while he keeps moving in and out.

"I fucking love you," Eric shouts and comes.

He is panting heavily, and so am I.

Eric leans onto his forearms and gently rolls us so I am on top of him.

His fingers run up and down my spine, it makes me shiver and he covers both of us with a blanket. We both are dozing off, yet we don't change positions

…

I am waking up to Eric trailing kisses all over my face.

A new day!

"I am pregnant," I state.

"Thank you," he kisses me, and I know all is good between us once more.

"I promise to give it to you straight next time," I promise, and he snorts.

"Maybe having me aware we are making a baby will help," he teases.

"I don't even know why I thought writing it on the bottom of your coffee cup was a good idea," I admit. "I should have known better..." Eric shuts me up with a kiss.

"It's in the past! We agreed to actively move past hurts and pain, and that is what we will do for this one as well," he pecks me twice on the lips.

"Already forgotten," I state and then smirk at him. "No condoms for the foreseeable future," I copy his own move and wiggle my eyebrows.

Loud laughter fills our bedroom and then they turn into moans and groans.

Life is good again.

…

Eric and I are better than we were before, our fight made us stronger and more aware of little the things that may affect the other differently than we thought.

One thing we changed permanently was that we don't hold back and give it to each other straight. Best decision ever!

Christina was the first to feel our joined resolve when she stated rather boldly that we had to have a gender reveal party and not find out the sex of our baby through an ultrasound without the whole group present.

I told her in no uncertain words that she should get pregnant herself if she wanted a gender reveal party for we already knew what we were having.

We jointly decided to not tell the others after an epic tantrum where Christina decided to not speak to me for a whole week.

When it came to choosing names, decorating the nursery and the birth plan we were almost too honest with each other, yet, when our daughter was born, there was no doubt that we had created an unbeatable team.

I told Eric that I was ready for making another baby when Rose turned three months. He said he'd be happy to oblige and then paid close attention to all the signs. It was Eric who told me to take a test because I showed the right symptoms. We both looked at the test the same time and we repeated it three more times afterwards.  
When we welcomed our fifth child into the fold, I told Eric I felt that I was done and our family complete, and he offered to get a vasectomy right away.

We were leading by example and our children grew up knowing that it paid off to always be direct and honest with each other. They took this into their relationships and, individually, they all thanked us at one time or another.

Yes, life was good, and I made sure I thanked my aunt on a regular basis for letting me take a peek into my husband's head.

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For full disclosure: I am not fully convinced by either choice that I came up with, but for the life of me I couldn't find a third version that ticked all my boxes!
> 
> On one hand I know Eric is going to be over the moon that Tris is pregnant aka version 1.
> 
> On the other hand, she did not tell him earlier that day when he asked about creating a baby they have been talking about previously, she insisted on using a condom (which I added to make clean up of her planned sex in a public place easier), she let Eric feel bad about forgetting to put said condom on immediately and dismissed his concern when he asked if she was okay on the way to dinner. Her need to keep her planned surprise neglected to account for his insecurities due to his upbringing and hence she ruined her own reveal aka version 2.


End file.
